8. The Lie That Constantly Accompanies Us

When I started talking to my patients, I noticed that they all shared one inner conviction: I need to be loved. Apparently, people think that "being loved" will satisfy their need. All of my patients' stories revolved around love in one way or another, always around the same thought: I am not loved.

In the following, I would like to describe some real-life cases that illustrate the expectation of being loved.

Case 6

A young female patient had been unable to swallow or eat for three days. However, I could not detect any physical abnormalities. The woman had been married for two years. Her great issue was her husband's frugal attitude. At first, he didn't want to go on a honeymoon, but she was just able to persuade him. When the young woman had made herself pretty in the hotel that evening and was expecting her husband to take her out to dinner, he said: "Come on, let's go to the supermarket and buy ourselves something to eat." Not really romantic, is it?

So, the woman is married to a miserly man who saves wherever he can. While still on her honeymoon, she attempted suicide in the hotel pool. Something had happened again before her visit to me, which showed that her husband had not changed in the last two years.

All people's problems stem from the fact that they think others don't love them. Why does a mother get angry when her son doesn't clear the dishes? Is the mother annoyed because she can't do the dishes? She's been doing it for many years. She gets annoyed because she subconsciously thinks that her son doesn't love and appreciate her because otherwise, he wouldn't leave the dishes for her. Almost all books on relationships say: "You need to be loved, it's a give and take." This lie that someone else should be there for us or our needs accompanies us throughout our lives and makes it difficult for us.

This error gives rise to another lie: "Others must not do anything wrong to me." This means that others must not lie to me, cheat me, beat me, steal from me, etc. I had a remarkable case of this in my practice.

Case 7

A patient was very angry with her husband because she knew that he was having an affair. She had repeatedly accused him of it and he had always denied it, until one day he did admit to the affair and wanted to separate. The patient was less annoyed that he was seeing someone else than that he had lied to her for so long. I asked her: "Who are you, that your husband owes you honesty?"

Or in general: Who am I that anyone owes me anything? Can others lie to me and cheat me? Beat me or steal something from me? Well, they are allowed to, even though they are certainly breaking the laws of the state. The moment I cannot stand the actions of others, i.e. when I attempt to take away the right of others to do what they want, I imprison myself and I am not well.

Two simple questions make it clear how illogically the love of other people is judged. When I ask my patients: "Can someone think for you?" they all correctly answer "No."

But if I ask the question just a little differently: "Do you need to be loved by someone?" Everyone answers "Yes!" That's not logical. If I really need to be loved by someone else, then someone else must be able to think loving thoughts for me. So my patients' answers to what is in fact the same question are contradictory. People often don't even acknowledge how contradictory their view of other people's thoughts are.

Why does everyone want to be loved? And why is everyone convinced that they are impaired as an adult if their mother did not love them as a child?

One patient, over 40 years old, backed away when I tried to look in his ears. I asked him why he was so scared. The man replied: "Because my parents didn't love me!" Do we really have fears at 40 because we weren't loved by our parents? We don't see that what others do or don't do doesn't count when it comes to satisfying our needs. Only what we do is decisive in terms of our needs and for our lives.

The idea that I must be loved in order for my spiritual needs to be met is a lie, simply because it is an impossibility. No one can satisfy the physical and spiritual needs of another individual. Our body reveals this self-deception through negative emotions and illness.

The body is the best way to see whether a thought is a truth or a lie. You cannot lie to the body, it reacts with tolerances, but there is no alternative to the reaction itself. Among other things, our body needs electricity to function. This current is triggered by the human spirit. But the spirit also has its own needs, which it must first satisfy. The spirit is empty within itself before it absorbs information. To fulfill our needs, the three questions must be answered: Who? How? and from where?

Who is responsible for filling my stomach? Only I am 100% responsible, because no one else can eat for me. Eating means fulfilling the body's need for nourishment with what you have previously taken from nature. We eat according to the law of life; we must first take in order to give.

Let's now go to the spiritual level. Who is responsible for ensuring that my spirit gets enough love? Who is responsible for ensuring that it is "filled"? As with the physical needs, it is 100% me. How should I go about this? The structure of the human being shows us that loving thoughts towards our neighbor are necessary to generate the right electrical impulse for the body. However, this information must first be absorbed in order to pass it on.

In the error of his mind, however, man does not see that there are also two actions in loving. They think that loving is just giving. In reality, however, it becomes clear that if I cannot give loving thoughts to the other person because they do not meet my needs, I end up taking the information from them and giving back exactly what I have received. If the other person is disharmonious or angry, then I will be too. If the other person is loving, then I usually respond lovingly and feel good about it. Because as long as I think loving thoughts, the electrical impulse triggered by them corresponds to my physical needs and will not harm me.

The principle of taking and giving also applies to a thought. The loving thought is giving. Where can I take it from beforehand? Why can't I simply think such thoughts about those who don't love me? Because the spirit is deeply and firmly in the error that its need is only satisfied if the other person gives it something. This means that we are all fixated on the actions of others.

The words are not always decisive. Even words like: "I love you" can lead to anger and stress if said by someone who hit me yesterday. How do you react and feel then? Such beautiful words have been spoken. If the words are not believable, you react with unloving thoughts. This creates an electrical impulse that evokes a negative emotion. This makes it clear that feelings do not arise from what someone else does, but solely from your own reaction to it.

So why can't I (usually) react positively to the other person's negative behavior? Why am I not able to remain objective, but have to get upset and feel bad? Because the error in our hearts makes us unconsciously believe that the other person owes us something - if not love, then at least kindness.

However, the idea of having to be loved is not functional, the law excludes it. A function that concerns myself cannot take place outside of me. No one can give something to someone if they don't receive it. We all have an effect on others and, conversely, other people have an effect on us. However, whether someone reacts to the "charisma" of another person is entirely up to them. No matter what is offered to you - good or bad - if you don't take it up, nothing will happen.

According to the law of taking and giving, I have to take love from somewhere before I can pass it on. If I can't love the person who doesn't love me, one thing becomes clear: this person is actually the one from whom I take or want to receive love. So, I use them as my source of love.

If we understand the structure of the human being, then the law gives us an absolute and reliable measure of cause and effect. With the basic law of all functions in the universe and with the structure of the human being, almost all things in life can be categorized and explained as to why they happen or not. Humans have the advantage of being able to reflect. This enables them to notice things about themselves and think about them.